Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
