YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
This toilet bowl is my home.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
