I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
