take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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