OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
