I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
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