put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
PANTIES FOUND
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
