I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
