the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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