Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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