I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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