somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I have already put on my inside pants.
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