He disabled his match.com account in front of me
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize