Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
