You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
