Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
