Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
