Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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