I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
