So drunk, too bad you don't want this
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
