a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
