do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Define "chronic" masturbator.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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