Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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