Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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