There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
