Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
