seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
