I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
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