last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
