So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
We left the knife in your bed.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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