it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
