I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
