Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
