and i looked up. we had an audience...
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
