the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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