There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
