Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
