Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Randomize
