This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
