Small penises have feelings too.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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