i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
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