This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize