my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
