party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
