yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
