i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
