He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
