I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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