Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
The uberlube is also flammable
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
