I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
