i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
