But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
