if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
