me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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