actually, I'm a sock model
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
