If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
