his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
