I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
It's blow job season.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
